what day is it and did you see me today?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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