well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
