Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
