he puts the penis in happiness.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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