I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
