I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
