Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
