I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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