i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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