I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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