remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
