I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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