We got so high we made milksteak
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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