my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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