I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
