And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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