I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dude. I can hear the air.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
