Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
