Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
love makes seman taste better
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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