I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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