Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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