i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
