i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
