Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
