People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
