someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
