Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
