For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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