How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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