I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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