i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
