fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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