Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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