remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have fence marks all over my body
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
