69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
