did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
