You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
