Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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