im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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