So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
