somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cat gives me a boner
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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