shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
