How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
