Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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