if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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