So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize