420 ftw
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
