I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
