The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
