dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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