You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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