google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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