there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
