Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
