My liver just broke up with me...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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