flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
