I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
