Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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