I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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