she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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