i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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