I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
