i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
