she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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