well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
