I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
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Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize